Fuel to the fire. A few months ago, many of us in the Asian Am community got word that Ming Tan had written a book and was teaching a class entitled "How to Attract and Date Asian Women." I'm not even gonna get into how wack that is. Sad, and maddening. Being my smartass self, I decided to write my response to her book and class. HOW TO REPULSE AND DISCOURAGE WHITEY by The Joy Luck Thug 06.05.02 Do white muhfuckas try to talk to you while you wait for the bus? Can't sit on a plane without some white girl trying to talk to you about cellphone reception? Whenever you go to a sushi restaurant, does some middle aged white dude try to pull his wack ass game on you? J.L. Thug has interviewed countless ofays to find out exactly how to repel their meager advances. Learn useful phrases such as, "I'm not drunk enough to talk to you," "Do you shop for your own clothes?", "Have you had a good day oppressing the population of the world?", "I'm not desperate", "I'm not Japanese, asshole," and of course the always useful "white people make me sick." Learn important body language and gestures such as "the angry person of color gas face", the "I will kick your white ass using martial arts or perhaps a different hand to hand combat of my choice in order to avoid perpetuating the stereotype that all of us know kung fu" stance, and the "white people are invisible to me" slouch. Don't miss out on what the Joy Luck Thug has learned through his countless years of honkey interaction in the great white metropolis known as Minneapolis. Learn the many "Jedi mind tricks" he has developed, accumulated, and deployed in his many campaigns to repulse the white devil. His book also has a bonus chapter entitled "Wack Things Whitey Taught: People of Color with an Asian Fetish." The Joy Luck Thug is a beat down expert associated with numerous deviant yet clever activities under investigation by the CIA. He is the author of such books as "Reverse Racist: Is That the Best You Can Do?!?", "Why Are White People So Wack?", "Righteous Rage: Why You May Find My Shoe Stuck In Your Ass", "Watchout Girl: That Dude Tried to Hit on My Moms Once", and "Damn, I Don't Hate All White People, But Most of Y'all Get on My Goddamn Nerves." Course #90210 Section Asian, Wednesday June 12 6:45 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. Course Fee: $24.95 Membership Fee: $19.95 Beatdown: Free!

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